Depression: The Insidious and Taboo Enemy : Part 3 - Family Member Hospitalized for Suicidal Ideations

Friends,
I hope that this depression podcast series has helped to either open your eyes or remind yourself of the danger and difficulties of depression.
It can wreak havoc on whole families and destroy a person's self-hood.

To my family member and all others that may be struggling,
You are important.  You matter.  Your life is precious.  You were made in the image of God.
And God totally loves you, all the time.

Music Credit: Scott Gratton - "All the Time You Never Had"

Depression Support
USA - NAMI Helpline for support and referrals at 1 800 950 6264
UK - Mind Infoline at 0300 123 3393
Australia - SANE Help Centre at 1800 18 7263
Canada- Mood Disorders Society of Canada at 613 921 5565
India - Vandrevala Foundation Helpline at 1860 2662 345 or 1800 2333 330

Suicide Prevention Help
USA - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 800 273 8255
UK and Ireland - Samaritans UK at 116 123
Australia - Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14
Other Countries - research international suicide hotlines to find a helpline near you

Transcript

Shannon Earley: 0:01

Hello friends, this is Shannon Earley, the hostess of the nesting with the early birds podcast. And this is literally the third full time that I am setting aside to record this episode. This is part three of our depression series we've already covered in Episode One, my personal experience with depression, Episode Two or part two, had everything to do with the signs and the symptoms of what depression might look like for you or a loved one, you know, and the different types of depression and bipolar depression versus typical depression, all of that jazz. That was part two. Part Three today is actually a story about somebody in my family that is very dear to me, that was actually hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and ideation as a teenager. And I wanted to share with you guys what our family went through, but also maybe some of the signs that we saw, you know, and also just to let you know that if you miss those signs, for a loved one, a teen, whatever, it's not your fault, you know, doesn't mean you don't love them, okay? These things are, sometimes it can be a hindsight 2020 situation where you're like, Oh, that makes sense why the person did this, this and that. But this is my third time recording this ding dong episode. I'm on Zen caster today. And I'm really excited because they have this thing where you can record your podcast in a video at the same time. So I'm really, really hope this works. We'll see. I had already tried and I recorded like a 35 minute episode and it was so banging like, you know, that song by Tenacious D called the best song in the world. And then at the very end, they say this song doesn't sound anything like this song. This is just a tribute. That's going to be this episode. I had literally I had stacks on my desk of different papers that I was reading out. I had things taped up everywhere but but but at the same time we were going through an ice storm. And so as soon as I finished not wanting to just like have papers lying around my house, because I'm also trying minimalism, I was like, Okay, we've got all these papers, let's crumple them up and throw them away. So all my like research and super sassy, you know, note taking gone. And then I was like, Yo, dude, this is bananagrams my third time recording this ding dong episode. I'm just gonna have to do it guys just gonna have to do what I did share on the first two episodes, some of the phone numbers that you can call if you are having any, you know, issues with depression, or even suicidal thoughts or if you wanted these numbers to give to someone that you think might need them, or you can stick them in a safe place. Sorry, I'm just gonna grab them right here. It's the only thing I didn't throw away because I was like these are super important and I'll probably need them over and over. Okay, so the first set of numbers I'm going to give you is the Suicide Prevention hotlines. Okay guys, in the United States, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. And that's at 1-800-273-8255. Then in the UK, and Ireland, you can call Samaritans UK, at 116123 in Australia, called Lifeline Australia at 131114. And if there's another country that you're in, you can always visit the international suicide hotlines online you can google it or whatever web browser you use, and you can find a helpline near you. It is such a big deal everybody, it is a world problem. And there are so many different places and people that are willing to help you or those that you love. As far as depression support goes, you don't have to get to suicide level in order to you know, receive help or deserve help. Okay, so as far as depression support goes in the United States, you can find de BS chapters or support groups, or call the N a m i helpline for support. They also can offer referrals for you. And that's 1-800-950-6264 the UK you can find depression support groups in person and online or you can call the mind info line at 0300123. 3393 Australia support groups and regional resources. Also, you can call the sane Help Center at one 801 87263 Canada, mood disorders Society of Canada 613-921-5565. And in India, you can call the venge avala Foundation helpline. And that's 1-860-266-2345 or one 800 to 33330. Okay, I understand that we're like, almost at the six minute mark, and you're like, yo, you told me nothing. You told me nothing but numbers, girl, listen, it's important. Sorry, I'm in my, my office, my good space. And so yeah, guys, I wanted to share a story with you. And I think that because last time I recorded it, I was crying, you know, and I was really all up in my feelings. I almost feel like not exactly reserved, but almost kind of empty or even scared to re record this because I'm so afraid. It's not going to have Okay, guys, step out in faith. trust the Lord. Okay. Oh, God, here we go. All right. So I told you that there was a teen in my family, I say was they have not passed away? Thank God do you're still alive. They were one of the most driven kids, this person growing up was always in big social circles of friends. extremely smart. And I mean, like, gifted program smart, the kind of kid that's like, Oh, it's not the C level class, or the honors class. It's like, above and beyond, like, a NASA scientist, I don't know. I was met in the gifted program. I did take an honors class, so I'm just fine. Anyway, so they were in these programs where they would have these insane course loads of work and materials to to do as a kid. And this kid also was in things like sports and activities and just dance everything, okay? This kid is extremely tidy, clean. hygienically their room is always tidy, spick and span. They also are very, in a way type a, you know, they want to know, like, what are the plans, when are the plans, how's it going to be achieved, you know, they like to plan everything out constantly. And they have always also been very filled with anxiety, like, their whole life, ever since they were a tiny babe. This kid seem to be handling things very, very well, all the way through middle school. And then High School hit, and everybody goes through crazy, you know, mood changes and clothing changes in high school, we're still finding out who we are, we're finding out our identities. You know, I think every year in high school, I was either in a different like clicky group, or dress completely different. I don't know, guys, I don't want to talk about it. If you knew me in high school, don't just don't share about it. I'm really sorry about anything that I did, or what I looked like. So, okay, so this kid gets into high school. And now you know, as a ninth grader, they're already talking about college and scholarships and volunteer hours and, you know, academics and extracurriculars and just you know, and also you need to work you need to make money and, and the course load is getting heavier and heavier and heavier. And then this team starts talking about, you know, I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I'm, I just feel like I can't handle this. And because this team has always been a little bit more than, like, let's say, I'm not gonna say, exaggerating things all the time. It's just this person is very open with the anxieties or pains or perceived pains that they may have. And it's been like that their whole life. And I think that when they shared that they were feeling overwhelmed. I don't think anybody in our family listened well enough at all. And I think all of us thought, you know, you can handle it. You are an amazing person. You've always handled these giant, you know, course loads and all these things that have been thrown at you, you can do it. You know, I don't think anybody said that, either. And I think that that is one thing I would really like to caution everybody about if somebody talks to you, and confides in you, and shares with you how they're feeling, and it's, you know, whether it's anxiety or hopelessness, despair, concern, you really, please try to listen, even if they share that with you every single day, you need to show them that you can be an open space, you need to show them that you are somebody that will take what they say seriously, and that you care about them. So this team eventually said, You know, I want to drop out of the gifted program. And you know, what frustrated me is that people in my family didn't see that as a red flag as opposed. Instead, they were like, Well, okay, which is also like, yo, it's so hard to get into the gifted program, maybe we need to support this team in different ways, as opposed to just being like, Alright, this team was always, you know, the homework, whatever it was, always did it themselves, always, like, their grades were cried, if it was a B, you know, what I'm saying, like, this person was just amazing academically, and always had really high goals of things like being doctors and all that dials. So they eventually do drop out of the gifted program. And then they change what their hair looks like, to almost black, they change the way they start dressing. And at this point, they then get into a relationship. Now you have to understand that this kid already is feeling pretty empty. With all of their anxiety and emotional situations, depression, all of that is already, you know, their whole life is just really wearing them down. They get in a relationship with somebody who finally is listening to this person, yay, good, right, and makes this person feel great. And then they are dumped, basically. And now they have nowhere to turn, really. They feel like nobody in the family listen to the first time they were sad. And some people in the family were even like, well, you are too young today, who cares, or you're not really that sad, or you're only dating for X amount of time, like it was all these just terrible ways of handling it. And I will say what frustrated me is that nobody in my family told me anything. They didn't want to I think that Shannon, me. I'm always the guy that's like, let's talk about it. Like, I want to hear all your feelings. Like all let's pray about it. Or, you know, I've been through the same thing. And they didn't want to hear it. They didn't want to hear it at all. And also, I'm a Christian. And I think that sometimes just being a Christian, if people know you're a Christian, even if you're not like sharing Scripture with them or anything, they get like defensive. You know what I'm saying? They're like, like, I know that you're judging me. And you're like, Whoa, Bro,

Unknown: 13:19

I wasn't like,

Shannon Earley: 13:22

like, I was just trying to visit with you. What are you talking about, man? So I think that my family was like, what's not tell Shannon, because Shannon's gonna think this is a problem and that we need to do something about it. We don't want to do anything about it. So this team that was broken up with and already had all this anxiety and stress, ended up self harming. They ended up cutting themselves. I don't know exactly what they were cutting themselves with. I think it was like CD cases, something like that, like the jewel cases of CDs. And it was all on their thighs. And I never saw I never saw and my family knew they didn't tell me. They didn't tell me. They didn't go seek extra help for this team. And when I think about it, now it still it makes me extremely angry. Suffice to say, there could have been things handled better for sure. So this teenagers cutting themselves and all of a sudden I just get a call one night. Hey, I'm from a family member, hey, we are bringing this team to the mental hospital basically. Because of suicidal thoughts, cycle what completely blew me away and it felt like I had been punched in my soul. This team was is one of the most important people in my life. They are one of the most lovely joy bringing I just love this person, I've got so many memories with this person and care about this person, like, I can't even explain how much and the reason I'm not really giving any like gender or names or anything is I would really like this person to not, you know, feel ashamed or anything that I'm sharing their story. So they were evaluated by the Virginia treatment center for children, which is an amazing place, they are actually affiliated with Virginia Commonwealth University Hi. And the BC Children's Hospital is banging. Like, it's amazing. And the Virginia treatment center for children offers help for, like mental situations, you know, like, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, schizophrenia, like bipolar disorder, all of that kind of jazz. And they are great. So it was a real blessing that my family member was able to get into this place, it's really hard to get into, which sounds so stupid. It's not like it's a country club. But like, it's really hard to get into. And there are some places around Richmond, Virginia that are pretty terrible, you can email me at nesting with the early birds@gmail.com. And I will let you know, I'm just not trying to you know, I'm not a journalist yet, guys. I'm not trying to you know, get into some deep troubles or in a firm. Anyways, there are some places that are just really not great. And it was a real blessing that this family member was able to go to the Virginia treatment center for inpatient rehab, basically. And while they were there, they weren't allowed to have a phone, they weren't allowed to have any contact to the outside world, really, except for a phone call, I guess, occasionally, but it would be monitored. You know, it was that kind of thing where they were in a group situation all the time. And they were around other kids 18. And under, I say kids, but you know, they were around other children that were in desperate need for help, you know, kids that were talking about wanting to die, or kids that have already tried killing themselves multiple times, children that have tried to commit suicide while they were in the institution. I mean, just awful. And it hurts you so badly to think the person that you love, or the person that you care for has so much pain, the only way they think they can get out of it is from hurting themselves or worse. And I want to remind all of you out there that you are important. You know, God created you, your life matters, you are extremely important. If you're hurting like that, you know, talk to somebody, please. You can call those numbers I talked about, you can talk to a pastor rabbi, you can talk to a priest, you can talk to a friend, a teacher, you can find a counselor. They even have counselors that are like, nonprofit situations. Okay. So please, you are very important. So important. Anyways, while the team was at this place, like I said, they weren't allowed to really have any context to the outside world, and they had to get their medication situated. And there, they were very like, zombie like, I would like to say, hold on one second, somebody keeps knocking on my door. Sorry about that. I actually don't even know exactly where I left off. I just had a daughter knocking on the door for an emergency. It was not an emergency. It was a secret that I'm on to tell about one of her siblings. This kid that knocked on my daughter is nine years old. And she's the oldest of four. So you can imagine it's a pretty juicy secret. By the way, before I get right back into what we were talking about, if you're ever interested in sponsoring me, like in any kind of way, I would love it. I have a Patreon account. It's pa t ar e o n. And you can go to patreon.com. Check out nesting with early birds. You can also go to nesting with the early birds.com. And guess what? There's a link to it out where because things like this microphone, this computer, the internet, the web hosting fees, all that stuff, it can get a little pricey one spare wheel. So anyways, I am not going to continue one second. Okay, thank you so much. All right, guys. So I now have a secret audience of two members in this room that are hiding behind my desk because they enjoy hearing me podcasting. So here we go. Alright, so I was just talking to you guys about how this family member was hospitalized at the Virginia treatment center for children in Richmond, Virginia. That facility is amazing. The people are kind,

Unknown: 20:09

the

Shannon Earley: 20:10

doctors there are just so caring, like they truly do care for their patients. Now, it says for children, but I believe it's either 18 and under or under 18. And so there's a wide variety of the different ages of children that are there. The person that was hospitalized for my family was 16 years old at the time, this was years ago, there were 16 years old at the time. However, I do remember one day being there to visit my family member. And before I went in, there was a mother crying, and, you know, most of the people that are in that waiting room are pretty broken down. Their family members are in there and their family members or children. And these people are realizing that their children are so hurting and confused and unable to deal with the pain that they're having that they are rather considering, you know, ending their lives and it is absolutely just terrible. It's just, it's just atrocious that paying you guys is unnatural. When we are in heaven, that's not going to be a thing, okay? It's not a forever thing. It's not a permanent thing if you're going through that. But when I was there, there was a mom crying. And I was like, um, you know, oh, did you? Do you have somebody in here? And she said, Yes, I just had them. admit my six year old son. And that coming to the core? Because you know, and one, I guess I just always thought, yeah, okay, teenagers, you know, they can have these issues. That was more typical, you know, something you might hear and hearing about it being a child, that young, it's just blew me away, I was floored, it totally opened up my eyes to how big this problem is, you guys, this is gigantic. And affects all genders, races, ages, ethnic groups, social status, it's all over depression, and suicide are huge. And I want us to be able to talk about it with each other. And I want us to be able to help our families and our friends. I want our friends and family to know that they can come to us. You know, a lot of it is on us wanting to be good listeners and thinking that these people are as important as they are. And I want you to remember they are created in God's image. It's a big deal, you guys, you're very important. Well, while I was there, the teenager in my family, you know, when they were allowed to visit with us, it was in this cold, like austere room with these, you know, no offense Virginia treatment center, but like these kind of college dorm long tables, you know, the kind of like, kind of nonspecific generic, it's like this, the wood laminate, like what's I don't know what this is, and like ugly legs, and then these chairs that were just like, clunky, you know, middle school seats or something. It just wasn't cute. It wasn't cozy, it didn't seem relaxing. It wasn't a place where you're like, Oh, this is when we visit together, this feels like home, it wasn't like that at all. And every time I would visit my family member, they just were so not cool that they were removed. They were not themselves. They looked tired. They were completely just broken down. They had nothing left. And I would visit them and they would put their hand on the table or not really talk or whatever. And one day, I was like, I'm gonna bring them a photo album of the whole family and it's gonna be great. And then I said, you know, what I'm gonna do is that I just bringing them a photo album. You know, normally when I talk to this teenager, we're either sitting on their bed or they're sitting on my bed, or we're on the couch together and our legs are on top of each other or something. So I'm gonna make a bed there. And I called the, like, the receptionist at the Virginia trauma center and I was like, Can I bring pillows and blankets? She was like, Yeah, like you could tell she was like What in the world you know, I was like, I want to make a bed for this family member of mine. And so we showed up and before the teenager came into the room, I ended up putting all the chairs together. It like there was all these chairs that were around the table. I push the table out of the way I got all the chairs put together. I put the pillows on it, the blankets, and when they came in, I was so extra like on purpose. I was like, come on over to this to this bed I made and they were like so embarrassed, but also sold What are you doing Shannon and it kind of pulled them out of their, you know, their, their shell for a little bit. And then they tentatively sat on the side of this stupid makeshift bed that was so uncomfortable and hard. And at first, they were still kind of sitting with their arms, you know, crossed, and they're not really wanting to, you know, visit or anything, but I just kind of let them know, like, I'm not going anywhere, and we're going to hang out on this bed, like as long as we possibly can. And eventually, you know, their ankle, brushed my foot, and then all of a sudden, their shoulders kind of relaxed, and they slumped on to me. And we looked through these family photos together. And it was beautiful. While I was sitting there, I thought, I almost lost you, like you were going to leave us. And, you know, these pictures, you are in them, you are an integral part of our family. And I just knew I needed to do everything I could to let this person know, no matter what, I will always be there for them to listen to what they have to say and take it seriously. And I hope that you know, sweet family member of mine, if you're listening, how important I think you are, and how thankful I am that you are still here. And I'm thankful I am that you were brave enough to get help and accept help. That is really courageous. I hope that at the end of this guy's what you get from it is that suicide. Depression affects everybody's lives in some way. I'm sure you know, somebody who has been through it. Maybe you know, somebody who you think has these signs. It's terrible. And I just want to put as much awareness as I can out there. How important it is to seek help and except that help. Alright guys. So I'm going to put these phone numbers for all of the suicide and depression hotlines on the bottom of this episode. I hope this is Zen caster, which I've not actually used before, so I'm going to try. So anyways guys, thank you so much for listening to part three of depression, the insidious and Jabu enemy. I really appreciate you coming back. And it is because of you guys listening like whenever it says I had new listeners, I'm like, oh my god. I'm just gonna keep on talking forever. So thank you very much. If you ever want to get in touch with me again, my email is messing with the early birds@gmail.com and early is EA r l e Why? Thank you so dang much. And remember God totally loves you all the time.