Depression : The Insidious and Taboo Enemy

Depression is a real and serious life-threatening disease. Maybe it won't cause suicidal thoughts , but it will still steal your ability to live your life to the fullest.

Music: Better Than It Was Before- Ed Napoli

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Transcript

Shannon Earley: 0:01

Hello, and thank you for coming back to nesting with the early birds. I'm your hostess, Shannon Earley. And today we are going to talk about depression. You I know like, you might be listening to this in the middle of the dead winter, and all your kids are around you and you're feeling like a fat person stuck in all your sweats and you just keep eating because you feel terrible. Or maybe you don't have washed hair, maybe you haven't brushed your teeth. Guess what guys, those things all happen with depression, I actually am going to come through this episode with a personal point of view of depression, how it has wreaked havoc on my life. And some of the things that I have found that might have helped at least a little bit, I am going to do more episodes in this series, talking about the people that I personally know that it has affected in an extremely significant way. We'll talk about friends or loved ones I have that have had suicidal thoughts. I even have an interview with a young teen that was actually hospitalized for suicidal ideation. So depression is a really big deal. And I'm coming at it from an American perspective. So I know that there are other countries where it could be worse, it could be better as far as the handling of it, or the way people talk about it. The way I'm coming from it is from a woman that lives in the south of America, the southeast. And I just wanted to share with you guys a little bit of my personal and a difficult things. So thank you so much for coming back. And I'll be with you in just a second. Hey, friends, did you like my podcast today? Or do you ever like my podcasts, if you would ever consider donating to my Patreon account, that would be amazing. It would help me with things like all the website fees, the hosting fees, all of it, it is a little bit expensive to do this, I really love doing it. And I would love to keep putting out new content. And you guys are the reason that I'm even continuing. If you have any interest at all, please check out patreon nesting with the early birds.com also has a link to it, as well as my buzzsprout.com account. Alright guys, I'll talk to you later. Depression. You guys, depression is terrible. It can completely change the way that you think, feel, react, the way you see the world, the way you see yourself. It is insidious. And it doesn't just affect you. It affects those around you those that you love those that love you, your friends, your family, it can affect your co workers. It's a really big deal. The worst part is that in America, we are so outspoken about so many different things. We love being able to be these giant Heroes for cause and activists for different things. But depression is still one of those things. That is a little taboo. Yeah, maybe you talk about things like oh, mental illness, illness as a disease. But sometimes being able to actually tell your friends or your loved ones, the real effects of depression on you. It's still not a thing that we do. Kind of like when you want to tell your friends you know, you talk about your husband, a lot of times you'll notice, when women talk about their children and their husband, it's easier for them to make jokes about them, talk poorly about them say Oh, my kids are driving me insane. Because those things are more accepted than saying something like, Oh, actually, I had just a lovely weekend my kids played well. Most of the time. My husband just loves me so well. It's like, you must feel embarrassed, like nobody wants to listen to that. They want to hear the crap. The same thing with depression. We have this automatic response when people ask how we are Oh, I'm

Unknown: 4:05

fine. Thanks.

Shannon Earley: 4:07

Oh, you know, I'm a little tired. I'm okay. Because we feel like nobody actually wants to hear about the effects of depression on us. Nobody wants to sit there while we, you know, make them feel depressed about us, you know. And I just wanted to share with you guys that when you are suffering with depression, whether you know it or not, it truly does scientifically numb a center of your brain that has rational thought. When I've gone through depression before from either postpartum depression, which is a type of depression that sets in, in part of your pregnancy or postpartum as an after delivery of the baby. For me the first time it happened was after delivery of my firstborn, and I realized I didn't feel like I had that automatic, loving, connected connection with my daughter, I definitely felt like I would care for her and die for work for her. But I didn't feel like this happy, loving feeling that so many people would talk about. As a matter of fact, I could hardly get out of bed, I was just very tired. My anxiety was through the roof, I was constantly jumpy. Worried about my daughter. It was unhealthy. Until I found out what was going on. When I talked to a doctor, they were like, Whoa, dude, you probably have postpartum depression. It is something that happens when our hormones basically go bananagrams. It is just hormones are a big fluctuation through pregnancy. And sometimes our brains are like, Whoa, Bro, I can't deal with this. And so for my first two pregnancies, I had postpartum depression, that I would treat with medication. Actually, everybody don't worry about that. You can take medicine and it's not a permanent life, meeting skill or thing to do. So for both of those pregnancies, I was on medicine for around eight months, to about a year and a half with each of them. And then I would slowly be weaned off through the doctor to see how I was without it. My third pregnancy, I ended up eating to start medicine much, much sooner I think like in my first trimester. Partly, it was because of the hormonal fluctuation. But another part was that my doctors, myself, my husband, we all knew how bad things could get if it wasn't treated. And we really wanted to get on to it, you know, earlier. So my last two pregnancies, I started medication much sooner. I'm unfortunately, on medicine to this day, and my youngest just turned three. But that's okay. Because I've realized, I've really needed it. Now. Okay, so that's postpartum depression. That's something that is unique to us. Females, I think, I think I would assume I don't know, who knows, I'm sure someone's going to say that men also go through it, which maybe they do, because they have to support us. But I can't imagine that it has anything to do with hormonal fluctuations. But depression, like I was saying, Can numb this rational part of your brain. I believe, as a Christian, that when we are suffering through depression, it is the time when Satan is able to speak his lies into us the most, I think that we don't have that barrier up. We don't have our armor of the Lord on and we are weak in that way. And he is able to just attack those chinks in our armor, and really get in there with his lies, saying things like, you're fat, you're, you know, why would you want to keep trying anything you do doesn't matter, you know, or, oh, you have so many things to do, it is just so overwhelming. Let's just have you do nothing. And then when you do nothing, I'm going to make you feel guilty that you've done nothing. So there's all these terrible lies that can occur. And the sad part is that when you're somebody dealing with depression, you eventually get to the point where you a don't really think there's a problem that is worth solving. Like you don't think you're worth fixing, you know, are worth helping. But also it can get to the point sometimes where you don't actually realize that there is an issue. Now, let me give you a personal explanation. One time when I had, I think my son was my firstborn son was about a year old or so. I had gone off the medicine cold turkey by accident, there was this kerfuffle situation that happened where the doctors weren't able to prescribe it until they saw me in person. And then weeks just went by Somehow, I don't know what happened. Probably because I had a new baby, I really don't know guys. And it started slowly, where at first it was like I was getting a little bit more emotional, but not in a weeping way it would be in an extremely angry way. My level of patience was extremely thin. I was ready to get angry for almost anything like Why didn't you put the toilet seat down again? or whatever it is. My anxiety level started to get through the roof. So I would get angry and then I would have my anxiety my worry of Oh no, I'm so I'm such an angry person. What's wrong with me as a mom? What if I make my husband leave me because I'm like this, oh, my children are gonna grow up to be you know, psycho killer people. And so then that would begin then when you start having this guilt going on over run over, right? Then you have the anxiety and the anger, but you're also dealing with whatever other real world, real life problems are coming your way, it starts to really pile up, it becomes this mountain, that you have no desire to climb, you really don't know how to get out of it. But then around seven days off of my medicine, cold turkey, I began to have thoughts that did not make me feel guilty for having them. I would have thoughts of what if I just put my finger on the stove? I want to what happened if I just put my hand on this hot burning section? Or what if I just threw myself down the stairs? I wonder if that would hurt. Maybe I should just throw myself down the stairs. It started to get so awful. And if you love anybody, thinking of them, having those thoughts would absolutely kill you. Right? So you got to think you shouldn't have to hide those kinds of thoughts inside. Because if you loved anybody, your children, your husband, your mom. And they told you Hey, I feel like I keep having these thoughts or I just want to throw myself down the stairs, you'd be like, Whoa, let's pump the brakes here, man. This is obviously something we need to work on. But you start just not sharing it. And see him just continues to lie. Obviously. What does he want? His name is Satan, the accuser. He's the person that says what you're doing is wrong. What you're doing is sinful. What you're doing is terrible. You're not lovable. You're not enough. God doesn't you know, care about you all of these things. That's his lie, bro. And he was really getting in there. And anybody that knows me knows I am like a pretty jolly person. I'm basically like a young, Mrs. Claus, at least in my head. Like, I feel like I've got the big boobs around. I'm chubby. I love big hugs and children. But at this point, nothing was making me really smile. And it hurts me to say that but okay, for instance, in high school, I got best laugh because my laugh could be heard through the walls. Like it's a superlative you know, like, oh, but smile most likely to succeed. I got best laugh, okay. And I've always just been that person that like finds things pretty funny. I like to laugh at myself. Whatever it is, I'm Olafur. But at this point in this depression cycle, I was not like that at all. I was basically blank faced. Things were starting to not make me angry, or anxious, or sad, or anything. And my little brother got scared when we were all hanging out together. And he's like our family clown. He just kills everybody. But for me, especially like, if I'm just in the room with him. We're kind of besties. And I think he's the funniest thing alive. And he kept trying to do little jokes and stuff. And I just, I gave zero farts, I just did not care. And I think that's when he told my husband. Yeah, this is like a serious issue. This is nothing like Shannon, this is crazy. And around that time, actually, is when I told my husband, you know, I think I'd like to just die. I keep having thoughts. Maybe I should just kill myself. And he's like, what, and I wasn't even emotional about it. As like, I think I just told myself, it was very Matter of fact, like, I've thought this through the kids would be you know, good if I was to be dead, all that kind of stuff. Got back on the medicine and within three days, things are on the upswing. Now, that's pretty scary to thinking oh my goodness, if I go cold turkey off of antidepressants, like look at this loop, it can throw me through. But at the same time, it's also important to see that there was such a crash, because I also really did need that medicine. I really did need it. It was very important. And actually recently, I went through a similar situation. And Christmas is my most favorite time of the year. There's such a big lead up to it. And now we start celebrating it like November 1. I don't America, people have decorations everywhere. And there's Christmas music on all the time. And it's just very exciting. And in my family particularly it's like the best. And there's all this lead up and hype to it. Christmas morning comes and every year everybody knows I don't want to open up my presence because then Christmas is over. And so I'll slow roll it for days. You got me for presidents great. It's going to take me four days to open up like I just don't want it to be over. And then January 1 New Year's Eve and that's real fun. And then boom, dead of winter, no more family activities. Christmas is over. Not really anything super exciting to look forward to as far as a giant family holiday for a very long time. And it can cause me to get pretty bummed out. But this year, and we all knew that it bums me out. But kind of like an A sweet like, oh, Shannon, we love you, you're such a goof about Christmas. But this year, the way that New Year's Eve fell on a Friday or whatever it was, my doctor's office was closed on Thursday. So they would have been closed Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's four days. But I needed an appointment to get in to have a medicine refill. dontre. Here we go again, you have to see them face to face, and then you get your refill for three months. And I didn't realize that until Tuesday of that week. Well, boom, cold turkey, Shannon, here she goes again. And I started weeping to my husband on like, day four, the kids would be so much better off without me. I have chronic illness, why don't my kids have to see me going through things like depression, they shouldn't have to see their mom lying on the couch and not able to move. Like they shouldn't have to see this. And I would say things like, it'd be better off if I was dead. Because then the children would have an opportunity to have a different mom. And I really thought this was true. And I was crying about it. And it's awful, because I am completely mentally aware that I had that thought. And I'm aware of the feeling I had when I had it. Then I got on my medicine again, thank God, my husband watched over me like a little baby Angel on the medicine and I realized how foolish that was that I said that. Because I know I am the best person for my children. And it does suck that they have to learn compassion at such a young age. But I love my children with all my heart and I live for these guys, and they know it. So I guess my big summation of everything is guys, if you feel like you are going through any kind of depression, friends, loved ones, church goers, co workers if you feel like there's somebody you know, and there's been a little bit of a mood situation change with them. I suggest you really pry figure out what's going on. If it lasts more than two weeks. That's a big red flag guys. Big Red Flag. We all have really sad difficult things that happened to us in life, which sucks. However, we shouldn't have that feeling of complete despair or sorrow, or unwillingness to do anything or unwillingness to enjoy life

Unknown: 17:48

for a long time. But

Shannon Earley: 17:49

that's not you need help. Please get help. I'm telling you it is a matter of life or death. It is a matter of living your life or having Satan trying to kill you. Alright guys, remember God totally loves you all the time. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope that you have a blessed week.